What A Bore And I'm So Cold!

My life's at a standstill!!! It's so BORING that boredom's sapping my energy...

I'm bored - I'm alone in my office most times. Real work for me is little and few in between so sometimes after I get bored with all the surfing on the net, I DOZED! Yah... as in ZZZZzZzz~~

Well, don't envy as of yet. It's quite a mean feat to try and doze in my workstation. Firstly, my office is so darn cold, my ass is practically the only warm part of my body since it's sitting hard on the chair most of the time. Things do not improve even if I threaten death in the face of the poor maintenance officer to switch off / increase the air-con temperature (To do this, they have to switch off the whole building's system since it's a centralised air-con unit, damn!). So my last resort is for me to wear 2 jackets and to bring a grandma's quilt to the office to keep me warm and I am so not kidding. I get the feeling like I was sleeping in the South Pole blizzard, chattering my teeth away in the cold to meet Mr. Sandman.

Then I am so puny, even my office chair seems to engulf all of me. When I sit down with my back straight to the back of the chair, my feet is 2 miles away from the ground. I can swing my feet like Miss Bo Beep on a swing to my heart's content. How am I to sleep when my slippers *home comforts for office :p* keep slipping off the soles of my feet?

Thinking hard in my stagnant brain, am I actually writing graphically how hard it is to SLEEP IN OFFICE? Isn't life pretty good for me then, right?

To all working hard in your stuffy offices or enduring 24/7 bitchy bosses, please forgive me.

I have endless complaints about life even when it's being made easy for me...

Father's Day

Just went back to my JB home to celebrate Father's Day and to spend some time with my family. Nothing special, just another family dinner together in typical Malaysian style. Open-air coffeshop that serves good home-cooked chinese dishes. Just the kind my dad likes best. He dislikes spending money on meals served with protocols a.k.a any glitzy western restaurants.

While still a student, having limited pocket money means I can only buy small gifts for daddy, after all he had a famous tagline whenever I stretched my hands out for money to buy presents for him (my fave ruse for extorting more money), "Your money is my money...", so he never encourage any of his children to buy so say needless presents for him.

My Dad is a big quiet man who only barks and not bites. He was the shield my siblings and I seeked whenever my mom unleashed her whacking moods, he himself suffered one or two of the infamous lashings meant for us while we all crowded behind his broad back.

As I look at dad these days, he, formidable still thanks to his built, seems to be ageing bit by bit in slow-mo before my eyes. White hair crowding out the blacks, sagging cheek bags, sometimes I'd spot him staring mindlessly into the distance - what I call a hollow look. This is most saddening of all, I hate it that his eyes lost that certain shine, like as if the fight is gone.

He looks lonely, I wonder if he truly is. After all, the children have all moved out or starting to. I am always overwhlemed by a certain sense of loss as though I am looking at him with "renewed" eyes. It strikes me quite poignantly that I'm but grown up and all, I have a role to fill up this void my ageing parents are facing in their lives now. Never crossed my mind this is part of adulthood package.

Now that I am busy with my own life and bloody livelihood, with hardly enough time and energy to visit my parents, Dad is very indulgent and attentive to my needs when I do go home. Offering to fetch me from Singapore back to Malaysia, taking me out to eat and fetching me to wherever and whenever I wanted to go. I truly feel bad for not giving enough attention and care my parents deserved.

I think I still did not make enough efforts for my dad this Father's Day *despite all my reflections here*, except to stop him from taking food with high-sugar contents (he's slightly diabetic and I'm obsessed with scrutinising all his food intake). I feel I need more time to adopt and adapt this caregiver role-reversal transition; and the realisation that my dad needs me emotionally is my first big step.

Am saving money now from my meagre paychecks, I hope to bring my family for a holiday to Bangkok by end of this year on my expense this time! I know my dad will love my thoughtfulness though he'll prob admonish me for spending money again. Like all parents.

Ha! To spend money so as to feel and be a grown-up... *struggling with internal conflicts - always happen where moolah is concerned*

Life's So Unpredictable

A friend of mine passed away in his sleep yesterday...

I first knew him while staying in the uni campus residential hall in our freshmen year and belonged to the same block where both our rooms were situated. His pad on the ground level and in the same wing as Mr. Gecko's, you can imagine my visits to his room being invented reasons to catch a glimpse of You-Know-Who. We were closer during our first year, he even had a hand in my union with Mr. Gecko - passing me bits of gossips and info who visited Mr. Gecko's room and he being seen with whom and so on.

I also remember he liked scaring me and revelled hearing me scream in fear. He really did give me some mock-scary moments which got me into hissing fits and which he was so amused with. I was taken up with his forever jovial moods. I wonder if he'd had forgotten those incidents.

We remain friends though I was not considered "one of his pack", he had other closer friends. But still, I had really liked his company and we never have awkward moments with each other. We kinda drifted to mere hi's and bye's with short words of exchanges or teases here and there. It was not just him. Most of my close friends whom I had bonded with in the hall too. It was totally my own doings. I chose to spend my time sticking to Mr. Gecko - thinking I could always salvage friendships. In other words, I was so not balancing my social life well.

I couldn't help berating now that despite working so near each other and I could easily walk to his workplace under 10 mins, I did not even bother making any effort these 2 years to meet up for an occasional lunch and chat. And a few days ago, just when I thought of calling him for lunch after two years of not having a proper meet-up, he's gone with no warning. Life's pretty ironic.

:(

I'm taking this as a personal life lesson. I hope I never will take anyone or anything for granted no more and I hope to appreciate much more on my life's offerings. I know all these sound so cliché at this time and that time heals grief, but I have to try; at least .

To you, for you Damien...

Day One

hehe... thumbs up!!!